The Ties That Bind... (Shayna/M'riel) [21.12]

[kendrall]

It was still somewhat early when he thought he heard an unfamiliar sound.

M'riel and Shayna were snuggled together under the furs, spent after yet another passionate night together. It was only yesterday when Venteran made his way to see his mother, surprised and confused when he saw M'riel at the desk instead of R'bao. The little boy was hurt somewhat by the sight, and the Weyrleader made the decision to have the Weyrwoman and her former weyrmate sit down with Venteran to explain to him the new changes. Neither Shayna nor R'bao felt it was right for M'riel to not take any responsibility, but the Weyrleader wasn't going to budge from his position. It was later that afternoon when the two leaders had an opportunity to further talk about the matter, when M'riel agreed that it would be a good idea to get to know Shayna's firstborn a little better.

In the Weyrleader's opinion, Venteran didn't exactly warm up to his mother's new weyrmate, but he wasn't quite as hostile nor suspicious. M'riel knew it would take time for the boy to get to know him, to be friendly towards him. M'riel also knew that as long as he treated Shayna with respect and dignity, and continued to show her how much he was in love with her, that would eventually give Venteran the idea that the Weyrleader wasn't such a bad guy after all.

After their visit with the little boy, M'riel and Shayna had spent some 'quality time' together, and it was brought up by the Weyrleader shortly after a little background about his family. Shayna likewise divulged she had a sister and a brother, but the Weyrwoman seemed to be a little intrigued by the fact her weyrmate was reluctant to go into detail about his father or his siblings.

He continued his passage to semi-consciousness, and he realized the sound was that of an infant crying. Sanyara. M'riel's sleep-addled brain tried to process the last time he'd heard an infant crying, and came to the conclusion it had been a long time. He gently nudged Shayna's bare shoulder with his hand. "Shay," he whispered into her ear. "Sanyara's awake, and I think she's hungry."

[sorra]

Shayna slept soundly beside M'riel, feeling quite content with his arm over her waist. Normally she was a light sleeper, but for the moment she was so exhausted that she didn't even hear her daughter start to cry.

so much had been going on recently that she still hadn't gotten her strength back. The day in itself had been taxing as she had never seen Venteran so upset before. If R'bao hadn't have been able to come up as well she wasn't sure she really would have gotten her son calmed down. He was so upset over the fact that M'riel had been sitting in his daddy's spot. Shayna had been devastated and it had taken her and R'bao to finally calm their son down.

And then her little plan to have Venteran get to know M'riel hadn't gone as planned. The boy still didn't seem to like M'riel a whole lot. Apparently it was going to take a lot longer for him to warm up to M'riel then she had thought. Just one more thing to work on and hopefully get sorted out before too long. She didn't want Venteran to hate M'riel. Especially if M'riel continued to be Weyrleader.

"Mmm?" she mumbled and slowly opened her eyes. She was instantly awake when she heard Sanyara and M'riel's words registered in her head. She dashed out of bed, grabbing up her sleep shirt as she went. "Hey baby, mama's got you," she crooned as she picked her daughter up.

Shayna carried her daughter back over to the bed and sat down with her back against the headboard. Sanyara still cried softly. "Shh, I know you're hungry," she soothed, untying a couple ties on her shirt. She turned the baby so that she could nurse. Which didn't take Sanyara long. It was easy to see how hungry the girl was as she started to greedily nurse.

[kendrall]

M'riel sat up in bed as Shayna quickly got out of bed, noting she was grabbing her usual sleep shirt as she headed towards the crib. Part of him was a little disappointed, but he wasn't going to press the issue. He lifted the shade on the lantern for some illumination, letting the glowstone's light pierce the darkness, creating deep shadows within the corners. M'riel didn't want to fully brighten the room, but just enough for Shayna to see to avoid tripping over anything. He waited until the Weyrwoman and her daughter were settled against the headboard, then he watched with some fascination as Shayna partially untied her shirt and brought Sanyara closer to nurse.

A soft smile came to M'riel's lips as he watched, hearing the suckling sounds the baby was making. He scooted a little closer to Shayna and wrapped one arm around her back, and rested his head on her right shoulder. "I hope you don't mind, Shay," he said softly. "But this isn't the first time I've seen a mother nurse her infant."

[sorra]

Sanyara settled right down as she soon as she began to nurse. At this age it wasn't hard to please the little girl. Shayna hadn't really realized she had grabbed her shirt as she had gone to get her daughter as it had just become habit to do it. At the moment there really hadn't been a reason to, but what was done was done. And Sanyara was happy, so that's what mattered to the new mother at the moment.

Shayna looked over when M'riel rested his head against her shoulder and returned his gentle smile. "Why would I mind?" she asked softly as she cradled Sanyara. "It's not like you haven't seen all of me anyhow," she teased him, liking how easy this felt right now. She refused to allow a pain of guilt that it wasn't R'bao with her dull her happiness at the moment.

[kendrall]

M'riel let a wicked smile come to his lips when Shayna teased him for already having seen all of her. "True, but you took that view away when you grabbed your sleep shirt," he teased her right back, then looked down at Sanyara nursing. His smile faded a little, but in the soft light that would be hard to notice. "I know you and I had a little talk last night, Shay, about the possibility of having several children together...then we started to talk about our respective families. You mentioned you had a brother and a sister, and I think I've passed them in the corridors a few times but never stopped to chat with them." He sighed. "As for my own family...I told you that I had two brothers and two sisters, but from different mothers. But I don't think I ever told you the whole story."

He would wait to see if Shayna was even the slightest bit curious before he would continue.

[sorra]

Shayna flushed slightly. "It's just become habit to grab the shirt," she admitted. Maybe it had come from the times when she had been woken in the middle of the night for one reason or another. "I shall try not to do that next time," she smiled brightly, not noticing his smile dim as he looked down at Sanyara. Shayna was still walking on air from having her daughter there and healthy. She looked over at him and nodded. "Yes, we did. And I said I wanted Sanyara to be a bit older before we tried again," she smiled. "You probably have. T'ryern lost his bronze but is now bonded with blue Erosth. He's never far from Lira either. And Hya would be hard to miss. She's so bubbly." She nodded a bit. "Yes, I remember. And we said we could talk about it more later. So, now is later," she said softly. She would like to know more about him and his family. Especially since he was now Weyrleader and shared her bed.

[kendrall]

"I'll have to hide your sleep shirt from you, Weyrwoman, if I must," M'riel teased Shayna. "We have the extra furs on our bed, and I always remember to keep the fire stoked before we turn in for the night." He spared a glance towards the main living area of their weyr, and noticed the dim, flickering glow coming from the fireplace. That meant there was still plenty of heat to keep warm. M'riel looked back at Shayna, then rested his head on her shoulder again. "I know you said you wanted Sanyara to be a little older before we tried again, and I'm fine with that. But that doesn't mean we should stop practicing, either," he hinted. He remembered telling his weyrmate that he couldn't get enough of her, and she reciprocated in kind. He also remembered there had been a conversation when he agreed that if Shayna just wanted to be held by him, he would be fine with that. As long as there wasn't a single stitch of clothing that came between them...

M'riel nodded when Shayna reminded him of her two siblings. Ah, that was it. T'ryern was bonded to Erosth, and was involved with Lira. Hya's personality would make it easy to identify her. He'd have to try to make some time to get to know his extended family, now that he and Shayna were together. As for his own family, well...

He kept his arm around his weyrmate as she continued to nurse, but his eyes grew distant in the dim light. "I barely remember growing up in the Weyr. My father was a Wingthird; my mother was a Searchrider. Both of them were well respected. I had two older siblings - half siblings really - and an older sister and a younger brother. Arisia and Mitandar were my half sister and brother; Mitella my older sister, and Arilin my younger brother. I was always close to Mitandar, even though he'd gone away to train as a Guardsman when I was very little. I remember the times he'd come home to visit, and I would always ask him the same questions." A slight smile came to his lips. "I always looked forward to his visits, even though most of the time I could be found near the dragons and their Riders. I don't know why, but the general consensus was that because my father was a Wingthird, I was expected to become a Candidate at an early age then Impress highly. I didn't want any part of it, so I tried to sneak away when I found out there was a Traders' caravan bound for the Hold."

"My brother found out about it, and threatened to take me back to the Weyr. I did what I could to convince him otherwise, and not send word to our father. Mitandar finally agreed, but on one condition: To do everything he asked. I agreed, and before long I found myself going through Cadet training as a Guardsman."

"My father sent several inquiries to my brother, asking if he'd seen me, but Mitandar always replied back stating that he hadn't. It wasn't that I didn't care for my mother and father, I just wanted no part of becoming a Candidate if everyone expected me to eventually take my father's place, or even join my mother as a Searchrider. The Guards gave me a way out of all that."

The Weyrleader took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't recall how many times I had to avoid the Searchdragons when they came looking for Candidates. I heard that my own mother and her Green Belindath came on Search a few times, and Mitandar's mother Darisia likewise would come on Search with her Green Adalinth. But I was never to be found, always trying to stay busy with my training or at the very least hiding well out of sight. Anyway, I was promoted to Sergeant Major and appointed as second-in-command of the Guards at High Reaches when I was seventeen. It was mostly a political appointment, really, because the Lord Holder recognized my innate leadership abilities, but he knew I wasn't one to be bound to a desk all day pushing hides. My brother was Captain of the Guards at the time, and he also wanted me as his top advisor."

"The following Turn was when I was Searched. I told the Rider I needed some time to think about it, but when I was asked my name and I told that Rider, I think he realized exactly whom I was. He didn't say anything to me, of course, but he came back a few days later to collect me and my belongings. Mitandar and I already had a long talk about the incident, and it was his idea that I resign my rank and become a Candidate."

He forced himself to slow down a little. "My father was distant and cold towards me when he found out where I had been for all those Turns. My mother wasn't quite so much, but she wasn't happy with me, either. The day I stood on the Sands and Oreath hatched, then came right over to me and hearing his voice in my head...I realized I no longer cared what my mother or father thought of me. My siblings had long since gotten over their bitter feelings towards me, and they were overjoyed that I Impressed so highly. Even more so after I graduated from Weyrling training and was made a Wingthird."

"Then came Noemi." A sad smile came to M'riel's lips. "I remember the first time I saw her was during Candidacy, but I knew I couldn't do anything about it since any relationships were forbidden. We became fast friends during our time as Weyrlings, and the first year after we became full-fledged Riders her Green Shandrith rose. Oreath managed to outsmart the others who Chased her, and that was when Riemi was conceived. Shandrith, oddly enough, almost always wound up choosing Oreath every time she rose. Oreath always chased the other Greens and Golds, but he never won any other flights."

"My parents adored Noemi. They thought she was the best thing that happened to me, and like me they were happy when they found out she was pregnant with Riemi. The day my little girl was born, we all held a small celebration. It was one of the few times my father and I actually got along."

A tear started to form in his eye. "The day Thread came back...when I found Noemi and Riemi were both killed...my mother likewise perished in the fight. During the wake I saw my father standing there with Darisia, holding hands. I accused my father of letting her taking my mother's place in his heart, and stormed off. I wanted nothing to do with him after that day."

[sorra]

She stared at him in mock horror. "You wouldn't dare," she shot back. Although she had a feeling that he would do just that. Well, if this hadn't been such a serious conversation she probably would have consented to get undressed again. Sanyara wouldn't care one way or the other as long as she got to nurse. But right now didn't seem like the time to do that. She chuckled softly. "Oh I have nothing against practicing," she assured him. "I'm just not ready to conceive again. I don't think my body could handle that right now." Actually she was sure she couldn't. She was still healing.

She thought about her own siblings and parents. T'ryern and Hya meant everything to her and when she had time she wanted to find her parents again. She knew they were still up at Fort Hold as L'rai had found them for her, but she hadn't been able to get back to see them since everything happened with Tristar. Wouldn't they be shocked to learn that they were grandparents?

Shayna turned her attention back to M'riel and listened to his life story. Maybe one day she would tell him her story, but today was about him. It seemed like he needed to vent a bit and get everything out in the open. So, she just listened while cuddling Sanyara close. Part way through his story she moved enough to switch breasts causing Sanyara to whimper softly before starting to nurse again.

The Weyrwoman's eyes misted over as he reached the end of his tale. "So, not only did you lose the love of your life and your daughter, you also lost your parents. Oh, M'riel, I am so sorry," she said gently, turning her head so she could see him better. She gently kissed his nose as it was the least awkward of places to kiss with the way they were sitting. "That must be hard on you. And then to come back here, where you'll probably never be able to see your father again?" She shuttered at the thought. "You have given up so much."

[kendrall]

M'riel gave his weyrmate a roguish looking grin at her mock horror, but he knew Shayna most likely wouldn't mind either of them traipsing about in their private quarters without anything on, at least in the evenings anyway or if it was a lazy day and not much needed to be tended to. He kept his grin on his face when she told him she wouldn't mind practicing, but nodded in understanding when she told him she wasn't ready to conceive again. "That's fine," he said.

Everything seemed to swim out of focus as he told his story. He didn't bother noticing Sanyara being switched from one breast to the other, as he recalled almost every detail with near clarity. By the time he finished, he came back to reality when Shayna spoke, then turned to kiss him on the tip of his nose. "I know I've said time and time again of how much you remind me of Noemi, Shay, even though you two are separate individuals. I never realized how deep the pain went until the day I laid eyes on you. I'll never get Noemi back. But I'm thankful that I have you in my life. I don't ever want to lose you, Shay." He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Noemi will always hold a special place in my heart. You now have a special place in my heart, and you always will."

"As for my parents..." his voice trailed off for a moment. "I don't know if my father is still alive. If so, I don't know what he's thinking." M'riel gave a half-amused grunt. "Who knows. Maybe one day he'll come across some hides and find out that I became Weyrleader. But I just...I just wish that he wouldn't have discarded my mother so easily, Shay. Mom was good to him, he was good to her. Seeing him with Darisia, holding hands and acting as if my mother meant nothing to him was too much to bear."

[sorra]

Maybe later if things didn't get too busy she would give him just what he wanted. Or maybe she would tease him more. She hadn't decided yet. Right now though Sanyara was awake and she wasn't about to do anything with her daughter being up and needing fed. "Thank you for understanding," she said softly. She had been 24 when Venteran had been born and it had been another 4 Turns before she had conceived Sanyara. She certainly wasn't ready for only a couple months to be between her children.

She knew the exact moment he came back to the present and she tried not to cringe. He had been through so much. Why did it seem like every rider she knew had suffered some awful tragedy in their lives? She gave him a gentle smile, hoping he would realize that she was there for him. She slowly nodded. "I would never want you to forget Noemi. She meant too much to you to lose her completely," she said gently.

She hadn't thought about that. It was possible that his father was still alive. And she also hadn't thought about the hides. "I'm sure he would be proud of you if he knew what you were doing right now." Shayna nodded briefly. "I don't know how I would react if I saw my father like that after just losing my mother. I can understand why you were upset."

[kendrall]

M'riel gently squeezed Shayna with his arm when she thanked him for understanding how she felt about having more children. Now wasn't the time, and he understood that. It had been a long time since he held Riemi in his arms, since he last watched her dance with her mother. He missed those times greatly, and yet he knew by the same token they could never be re-lived except only in his memories. He had to move forward with his life, and somehow the fates seemed to understand his need to have a companion in his life, and the possibility of being a father again. Shayna had came into his life at the right time, and he wasn't going to let her go. When she was ready, then the other missing part of his life would be filled in again.

He returned Shayna's gentle smile, and he knew she was there for him, and always would be. "I wouldn't want you to forget V'ter, either," he replied. "I'm just thankful that our paths crossed when they did, Shay." M'riel wouldn't be too surprised if those same fates understood the Weyrwoman's needs to have a strong yet compassionate man in her life, someone who could stand by her not just as her counterpart now that she was the Weyrwoman; but her lover, her soulmate, her best friend.

M'riel had to think when his weyrmate mentioned that it was possible his father would be proud of him, if there was anyway for the man to know what he was doing right now. He really didn't care what his father would think about him, even in the role M'riel now held as Weyrleader. Once again, if those same fates he was about to thank for bringing Shayna and him together decided to play a cruel trick on him, and somehow his father managed to find his way and Time it precisely to this timeline...

The Weyrleader wasn't sure *what* he would do at that moment.

He leaned his head back to rest against the headboard for a moment. "You would have loved my mother, Shay. She was a kind and caring woman for the most part, but she was one of the few people who could stand up to my father and tell him when he was wrong. If she were around, I'm sure she would love you and welcome you into our family as a daughter-in-law."

[sorra]

Shayna snuggled close to his side as Sanyara finally finished nursing and cooed softly at the two people in the room. The Weyrwoman smiled lovingly at her daughter before looking over at M'riel, her eyes shining. She was so thankful that he understood her reasoning for not wanting to have children at the moment. She was sure she would want another one down the road, just not right this second. There was too much else to concentrate on before thinking about any other children in her life.

She nodded. "I don't think we'll ever be able to forget them," she said softly. She saw a bit of V'ter in Venteran everyday and it helped keep his memory alive. She wondered what M'riel's weyrmate and daughter had been like. She bet them had been happy. She nodded. "It is amazing that we crossed paths when we did." She couldn't complain. She knew she had some things to sort out yet, but it was slowly coming together. Hopefully with time everything would sort themselves out for the better.

She glanced over at him. He seemed to have something on his mind, but she wasn't sure what. Although she was curious what his father was like. Was M'riel like him at all? Or was he like his mother? Not that she would ever find out, but it was fun to think about. Shayna smiled. "She sounds like quite a woman. I'm sure I would have loved her," she said kindly. "A daughter-in-law, huh?" she asked softly, kissing his cheek. " I could live with that."

[kendrall]

M'riel smiled warmly at Sanyara when she cooed at them. It reminded him of the times Riemi was just a newborn, cooing at her parents. Shards, how he missed his little girl. Even though he knew Sanyara wasn't his, part of him couldn't help but be content knowing he was given a rare opportunity to be a part of the Weyrwoman's daughter's life. Ultimately, R'bao would have his say on how his daughter should be raised, and M'riel would yield to the Bluerider's decisions...but the Weyrleader suspected Sanyara would look to him as a mentor and guide when she was a little older.

He settled in and wrapped his other arm around his weyrmate as she snuggled next to him, nodding as Shayna said neither of them would ever be able to forget their first loves, but agreed that it was amazing they crossed paths with each other. "I'll always be thankful for you, Shayna," he said softly. He didn't need to remind her of his promise to her, as it was easily reflected in his eyes and in his heart. He loved her dearly, and knew together they would fight side-by-side for their love and for their bond as weyrmates.

M'riel nodded again, a bit slower this time, when Shayna spoke highly of his mother. "She was indeed quite a woman. I never meant to break her heart the way I did, running away to join my brother. I eventually managed to reconcile with her after Riemi was born. When she told me how proud she was of me, not just for being a father or a Wingthird, but for the man I had become. My brother sent word to her and my father both of how proud he was to have me serve under his command, as his top advisor and Sergeant Major. She was surprised that I resigned my rank when I did, but she told me she always could see me as a leader. She was right." He let out a regretful sigh. "She would have been right about you, too, knowing what I'd been through if she were here. Mom would look at you then at me, and warn me to treat you like a Lady Holder or else." M'riel shook his head emphatically. "Between my brother and her, they made sure I knew how to treat a lady with respect."

[sorra]

Sanyara yawned mightily and snuggled against her mother's chest. Shayna smiled and gently kept her arms wrapped around her daughter. She kissed the baby's soft downy hair before glancing at M'riel. She knew there was still going to be some bumps in the road. She was going to make sure that Sanyara knew who her father was, but it was also going to hard considering M'riel shared her weyr now.

She snuggled against M'riel as he wrapped his other arm around her. Sanyara soon fell asleep in Shayna's arms. She blushed slightly as she looked up at him. "You sure know how to make a girl blush," she smiled softly. She wasn't sure what her life would be like right now if he hadn't shown up. They wouldn't have Sherath that was for sure. And who would have become Weyrleader? There weren't many bronzes to choose from right this minute. Well, at the moment the decision was made. M'riel and his group were there and he had become Weyrleader fair and square.

Shayna smiled as she listened to him talk about his mother. She sounded like a very special person. "I think we've all made mistakes that we wish we could take back," she said gently. She knew she wished she would have made V'ter give up his hides that day she left and made love to her like never before. Well, that hadn't happened and she couldn't change it. "At least you were able to make peace with her," she said gently. "She raised quiet a good kid. And it sounds like your brother thought so too." She chuckled softly. "Well, then I expect to be treated like that," she said, hoping to get a smile out of him again.

[kendrall]

A tear nearly came to M'riel's eye as he watched Shayna gently kiss her daughter on her head. There had been countless times when Noemi had done the same to their daughter Riemi. He blinked it away, then let a smile come to his lips when the tiny infant closed her eyes and finally fell asleep. "And you sure know how to make a man feel loved," he whispered, giving his weyrmate a kiss on her cheek.

He simply nodded when Shayna spoke about how people had wished they could take back their mistakes. "True," he said softly. "As for my mother raising me the way she did when I was little...yeah, I think I turned out just fine." He couldn't help but grin when the Weyrwoman teased him a little, saying she expected to be treated like a Lady Holder. "Darling mine," he said, "How about we take Sanyara back to her crib, get you out of that sleep shirt...and you give me the honor of doing just that?"

((OOC - Last post for you, Sorra, then we either fade to black or go mature thread!))