Post by sorra on Jul 25, 2012 15:13:18 GMT -5
(JP by Kendrall and Sorra)
Shayna kissed Venteran and Sanyara on the cheek before giving R'bao a quick kiss. "Thank you," she whispered to the blue rider. She knew that Venteran would be thrilled to spend some time with his father and R'bao hadn't really gotten a chance to spend time with Sanyara yet either.
Once she was sure they were safely out the door she spun on M'riel, not caring that she was tired of being up on her feet. She still couldn't believe that he had just left her hanging like that. "You couldn't even give me a little help there?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. Her high runnertail swung behind her. "I haven't had a chance to talk to Venteran because I haven't been able to move much. And before with L'ret things were different then this time."
She sighed and started to pace. Things were really messed up at the moment. Her face was a bit pale as she paced, but she didn't care. She was upset and worried and knew that Venteran still wasn't really understanding what was going on. She felt awful but she knew he would never understand it all at his age. And then to just walk in and see M'riel there where his father usually was. She sighed. What a mess. One that she was sure she still wasn't out of.
M'riel was still seated at Shayna's desk, simply choosing to tune out the conversation between R'bao, Shayna, and Venteran. It wasn't any of his business in the first place, but he still wasn't too happy with the fact neither Rider had explained to the young boy about the new changes, why his mommy and daddy were no longer together.
He finally glanced up at Shayna and removed his reading glasses, and set them on the desk when she accused him of not lifting a single finger. She started to pace back and forth, seemingly unsure of what to do. "You could have just as easily had R'bao explain to Venteran about the changes, Shay," he calmly stated. "As far as I'm concerned, neither of you took the time to tell him why his mother and stepfather were no longer together. Yes, I know Venteran thinks R'bao is his father, but I'll also leave that part up to the both of you to tell him otherwise, when he's old enough to understand. You and R'bao made a mess of it, it was your responsibility to clean it up. I only brought him up here to help you take care of it."
"And I don't know the whole story behind you and L'ret, Shay. I heard rumors it was his Bronze that won Josiath's Flight the last time, but he respected you enough to leave you and R'bao alone. That was before Authanth went Between. Now Josiath is the Senior Queen, which means you're the Weyrwoman. Josiath chose Oreath, which makes me the Weyrleader. If you're going to question your Gold, Shay, she'll probably remind you that she chose Oreath because she knew what you needed. She knew you needed someone who can help you lead this Weyr forward, someone who's been a proven leader. She probably knew you well enough that same person was capable of loving you, Shay, for who you were. And it's not just because you're the Weyrwoman now. It's because you needed to be loved, to be touched. You needed someone who could understand your fears and see you through them. I shouldn't have to cite any of the long-standing traditions involving our positions."
M'riel pushed the chair back from the desk and rose to his feet. "You know your Gold better than I do, Shay. Yes, R'bao's a good man and a good Flight Leader. I won't take those qualities away from him. But something tells me he's never been a leader before. A leader inspires people, Shay. A leader leads by example, he leads from the front. A leader grieves with those who have lost comrades-in-arms and family members, and does his best to console those same people. A leader is someone whom isn't afraid to take charge of a situation, to stand up against forces arrayed against him."
"I was a Sergeant Major in the Guards, Shay. I never asked to be promoted to such high rank. The Lord Holder at High Reaches and my brother both made that determination. They saw in me that I was capable of being a leader, that I fit every aspect of what a leader should be. Oreath, when I Impressed to him, saw that in me. My old Weyrleader saw that in me, and promoted me to Wingthird after I graduated from Weyrling training. Those who came with me, Shay, look to me for guidance and direction. Now everyone in this Weyr is looking to me for guidance, even though most of them still don't trust me. I can live with that. I can live with R'bao being unsteady whenever he's around me. What I can't live without, however, is you."
M'riel walked over to where Shayna was, and halted her pacing by turning her to face him. He spoke softly, calmly. "I'm here to help you fight your battles, Shay, but I can't help you fight them if I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I couldn't help you with Venteran because neither you nor R'bao told him what was going on. I'll have to trust the both of you to tell him the truth when he's older, that R'bao isn't his natural father. Sanyara, on the other hand, when she's a little older will probably think I'm her father and not R'bao. When she's old enough to know the difference, Shay, one of us will have to tell her the truth. That doesn't mean I won't love your daughter any less, nor will I love your son any less. It also means my love for you won't change, either."
"I've asked you before to let me in, Shay. I've asked you to not be afraid to fall in love with me, nor be afraid to show me that you love me. I made a commitment to you, Shay, that I will always be yours. No matter how many times you break my heart."
Shayna growled angrily. She still wasn't happy both with M'riel and at herself for not talking to Venteran. Of course she had never thought that she would ever be Weyrwoman. She still wasn't sure she was totally ready for it, but she didn't have much of a choice. And now she probably just broke her son's heart. She knew he didn't understand half of what they tried to tell him. Hopefully spending some time with R'bao would calm him down and R'bao would be able to explain a bit more. "There was no reason to tell him anything yet. He's only 4 and I wasn't Werywoman. Taenia was until just recently. Then I got sick with my pregnancy and R'bao never left my side," she sighed. So much had happened. So many excuses she could use.
She listened to everything that M'riel said while still pacing. She wasn't ready to stop pacing even though she was feeling a bit sick. If she sat then she just might cry and she really didn't want to do that. "L'ret was young and he was happy to have his own weyr," she answered. "They knew how I felt about R'bao and no one questioned it since I wasn't Werywoman." She sighed softly. That's when everything had changed. When she had actually become Weyrwoman. Now it was only right that M'riel as Weyrleader shared her weyr. And she had to admit, that didn't bother her. Her and R'bao were sorting things out. She was more upset that Venteran was now having to pay the price for her stupidity. Although she wasn't about to tell M'riel that.
Shayna jumped and quickly looked up as he stopped her pacing, her silvery eyes a bit wide, but her face still showing her anger. "Sanyara will know who her father is as will Venteran once he's old enough to be told what happened. For now though he's only a boy and he's happy with R'bao. There's no reason to upset him more. And R'bao will always be in my life. As long as Sanyara is here. And there's always going to be a place in my heart that belongs to him," she warned M'riel. She couldn't change that. She sighed in frustration. "I never doubted your love," she said, looking away from him. "This all just happened so fast and I haven't gotten used to it yet."
She slowly lifted her face to look into his eyes. "I don't want to break your heart. I told you I loved you and I always will. I just want you to know that R'bao is always going to be there. Even if it's only in the background. We are always going to be friends." Tears slid down her cheeks which upset her more. "I want someone to lean on. Someone to love," she whispered.
"Things are different now, Shay," M'riel replied, his voice still calm. "Yes, there wasn't any reason to tell Venteran anything before Josiath rose. But correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that you mentioned you would take me to see your son shortly after I got here. And I'm thankful R'bao stayed by your side after you became sick with your pregnancy. I would have done the same thing if I had been in the same situation. A good man will do that."
He listened as Shayna gave a brief explanation about L'ret, about how no one questioned her feelings about R'bao before she became the Weyrwoman, about her two children, about R'bao himself. "I trust you, Shay, about telling your two children the truth about whom their fathers truly are. I won't push you about that subject for a while. And like I said, I can live with R'bao being unsteady whenever he's around me. He knows he can no longer be with you like he was before Josiath rose. I'm also sure part of him wished Serguth was a Brown or even a Bronze, so he could have participated in the Flight. But you and I both know that Blues could never last in a Goldflight. They don't have the strength nor the stamina to go the distance."
He let out a sigh when she looked away from him, admitting that she never doubted his love, that she hadn't gotten used to the fact that her entire life had been turned upside-down, then looked back into his eyes. M'riel finally spoke, but softly. "I know there will always be a place in your heart for R'bao, Shay. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. He's Sanyara's father. The love the two of you had for each other will always be there. I won't take that away from you." He reached up a hand to brush away the tears streaming down her cheeks. "You could break my heart a thousand times over, Shayna, but I won't stop loving you. I won't stop being there for you. I know R'bao will always be there, that he will always be your friend. He probably expects me to treat you with the love and attention you deserve. Not just because you're the Weyrwoman, Shay. It's because you need that in your life, now that he can no longer give that to you." He drew her close to him, placing her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist. "You can always lean on me, Shay. Let me be that someone you can love. You told me the other night that you wanted to belong to me, and that came from your heart. And I will gladly take you, Shayna, as my lover and soulmate. As my companion." His eyes started to search hers. "Don't be afraid to love me," he repeated the same words from before. "Don't be afraid to take me as your lover, your soulmate, your companion. I won't leave your side, Shay. Not until it's my time to go."
Shayna worried her bottom lip before nodding. "I did. I wanted you to meet him just in case, well something like this happened," she said softly. Then things had taken a turn for the worst and she had never gotten a chance to introduce the two of them. "I hadn't wanted you to be a total stranger to him." She nodded. "He did. And I thankful to have him there. I was so scared." She smiled slightly, having no doubt that M'riel would have done the same thing.
"Thank you. Venteran won't understand at the moment and Sanyara is too little yet to really realize anything." Although she would make sure both of her children knew whom their parents were. She slowly nodded. They had both known that Serguth would never be able to fly Josiath. "There many times when we both wished that. Although I do love Serguth. He fits R'bao well." She scrubbed at her face. "Things have certainly changed and it will take me some time to get used to that as I'm sure it will R'bao as well."
Shayna didn't argue as he wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face for a minute and tried not to cry anymore. "I'm so torn," she nearly whimpered. "And emotional on top of everything. I can't handle all this at once," she cried. This would have been drastic changes without having to deal with the emotions of a new mother on top of it. She sniffled and clung to M'riel. "I do want you in my life. I honestly do. Everything I said the night of my nightmare was true." She was falling for M'riel and wanted him in her life. She just didn't want to hurt R'bao too. He would always, always be special to her. "So you won't mind if I still see R'bao?" she asked softly, lifting her head so she could look into his eyes before slowly nodding. "I am trying to let you in. You just may have to help me and remind me at times," she whispered.
"It's natural to be scared, Shay, when you're going through a pregnancy that's taken an unexpected turn. Shards, Noemi went through the same right before she had Riemi." M'riel replied. "But they both pulled through just fine. As for Venteran, well..." He shrugged. "Turn's End isn't too far off. I could probably get him a little something, but don't count on me being there the whole time. Never did care much for feasts or anything festive." It was true to an extent. M'riel wasn't one for dressing up or for participating in feasts, but he knew Shayna could easily ask him to be there. It was her right as Weyrwoman to ask him, the Weyrleader, to attend, and he knew he couldn't say no on two counts. One was due to the long-standing traditions by their rank; as Weyrwoman, Shayna could always request of him to attend any given feast or festival, and as Weyrleader it was tradition that he attend if asked. The other reason was out of his love and respect for his weyrmate, he would escort her to Turn's End or any gathering...but he wouldn't be too far from her side.
Shayna then went on to thank him for not pushing her to tell her two children about their true parentage, but they both knew she would have to do so when it was time. She continued, reminiscing that there had been times both she and R'bao wished Serguth was a Brown or Bronze, but she still loved the Blue nonetheless, and how he fit R'bao. M'riel didn't say anything, but could only nod. There was no point in bringing up what Oreath had boasted at the beginning of Josiath's flight, that he could easily take Serguth regardless. The Weyrleader knew that was true to a point, since his dragon was easily the largest, if not the most intelligent, Bronze in the entire Weyr. Granted, Serguth had the speed and agility Oreath lacked, but the Bronze was far stronger and more insightful.
M'riel held Shayna close to him as she buried his face in his shoulder for a moment, admitting her conflicting emotions was getting the better of her, how she couldn't handle everything being thrown at her at once. Josaith rising and choosing Oreath as her mate; the Flight that took place involving the new Weyrleader, the new Weyrwoman, a Junior Goldrider and her weyrmate; Shayna going into premature labor...there had been so much she had been through. Yet M'riel was determined to be that rock in her life, her shelter she would need. She wanted him in her life, everything she had said that night when the two of them made love was true. "I don't mind if you see R'bao every now and then, Shay. I trust you enough to be around him if I'm not there. I just ask one thing of you, as your lover, your weyrmate, and as Weyrleader. Remember that we belong to each other, Shay, and we always honor our commitment and devotion to each other. I know you're trying to let me in, and I'll help you with that. But I can't help you if you don't let me."
Shayna looked up at him in surprise. "Noemi went through that too?" she asked softly. It had scared her so badly and she had worried that she would lose Sanyara which only made her worry more when she was supposed to be relaxing. At least her daughter was safe now. And so perfect in her eyes. She looked up at him, a soft smile slowly touching her lips. "I think he would like that. Venteran is normally a happy, social child. Once he knows you he'll be fine," she promised. She he would be. She chuckled softly. "I don't mind them. It gives me a chance to really dress up," she smiled, thinking about one certain dress that she would like to wear. "But I won't make you stay the whole time. I know they're not for everyone." V'ter had always liked them as had T'an.
At least Shayna would have a couple Turns before Venteran started asking too many questions. And Sanyara was only a newborn, so she was safe there. She looked up at M'riel, knowing that it was hard for him when she talked about R'bao. But he did deserve to know where she stood. R'bao would always hold a piece of her heart even if Serguth could never catch Josiath. And she really didn't mind the idea of M'riel being Weyrleader. He seemed solid and one that she could rely on.
Shayna closed her eyes and just rested her head against his chest. So many things had happened all at once. It wasn't easy and she was trying hard to keep everything together. And then the weather was getting worse and the Holders hated them. So many problems and so few answers to them. Shayna wasn't sure what she was going to do about all that. She would have to talk to M'riel and Mac about that later. Mac had been working through a lot of those problems already. "Thank you for being so understanding," she said softly. At least M'riel wasn't going to argue about her seeing R'bao. Of course she would have seen him anyhow, but at least this way she didn't have to worry about getting in arguments over it. She raised silvery eyes to see him better, her face flushed from crying. "I'll remember that," she promised, kissing his cheek. "I promise once I'm past these stupid hormones I'll be better. I want to let you in. I know you'll always be there for me."
M'riel nodded slowly when Shayna appeared to be a little surprised to hear Noemi went through a similar situation with Riemi. "Long story," he said quietly. He really didn't want to dwell on it, since the pain of losing his weyrmate and daughter was still there. He doubted it would ever go away, even though he now had Shayna in his life. Hopefully, he would be a father again soon. He missed holding his little girl in his arms, hearing her laughter. Still, it was somewhat reassuring to hear his weyrmate tell him her thoughts about how Venteran would probably appreciate the gesture, once he got to know the Weyrleader personally the boy's demeanor towards him would change for the better. Shayna then went on to say how she didn't mind gatherings, how she seemingly adored dressing up for them...but at least she wouldn't make him stay the whole time. M'riel let out a thankful sigh. "I know you wouldn't make me stay the whole time, Shay. But I also know all too well the custom between our status. If you ask me to come, I'll come, and only leave when you're ready." He shook his head. "I guess it wouldn't do much good for the new Weyrleader not to stick around during an entire gathering or festival. I'd better take a look through my current wardrobe, see if I have anything appropriate."
He held her close to him, lightly resting his chin on top of her head as she rested against his chest. Shards, but he just wanted to hold her like this for the moment. She thanked him for being understanding of her wishes to see R'bao every now and then; granted, M'riel didn't terribly mind, but he'd hold fast to the bond he now shared with Shayna. She lifted her gaze to meet his, promising to remember that bond they now shared as Weyrwoman and Weyrleader, that once she was over her hormones she would be better, and that she wanted to let him in. "Just don't shut me out, Shay," M'riel replied softly. "In fact...if you want to work on that a little bit..." He indicated with a slight jerk of his head over his shoulder, towards their bed. "But it's up to you."
The Werywoman's face paled a bit. "Sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have asked." She hadn't thought about how that topic would effect him. She was just now getting to where she could talk about V'ter without tearing up. It had to be worse for M'riel right now. And she would have to talk with Venteran more. Hopefully get him to spend a bit more time with M'riel and get to know him. She giggled softly. "Oh, I'm sure we can find you something. Even if it's just your flight gear that will be fine," she assured him. "Although I have a certain velvet dress that I'm thinking of wearing," she smiled. Hey, she was female. It was nice to dress up from time to time. Not that she would want to do it all the time, but by time the Gather came around she would be ready for it. "I'll try to make it as painless as possible," she giggled.
She glanced up at him as he rested his chin against her head. She snuggled against his chest, loving listening to his heart beat against her cheek. She had been so upset with him earlier, but somehow he had calmed her down in a matter of moments. She sighed softly. That certainly wasn't a bad thing. And she really had been angry for no reason. Things would sort themselves out after all and Venteran wouldn't always be upset. She had talked to R'bao too, so that had helped settle her fears a bit. "I don't want to shut you out. I'll try hard not to," she promised. She knew she might by accident, but she would try. Shayna looked up, her eyes shining as she realized what he was meaning. "You're a glutton for punishment, Weyleader," she teased. Although she didn't mind at all. They actually had a little bit of time then she'd see if she could help him finish up the hides before R'bao brought Sanyara back to be nursed.
M'riel shook his head when Shayna said the one word he had a rule against. "Never say you're sorry, Shay. But it's alright, I'm sure sooner or later I'll be able to talk more about Noemi." He looked down into her eyes, then his facial expression went from slightly dour to one wearing a smirk. "My flight gear at a gathering? No, I'll have to find something more suitable. Something to match your velvet dress. Although I admit I've never seen you in one. What color?" It probably wouldn't hurt him to find something that complemented Shayna's dress, but he couldn't figure out what to have made for him until he saw her dress first. He smirked again when she teased him about making his experience as painless as possible, but couldn't come up with a snappy reply.
"I'll remind you, Shay. Just remember what I said before. Even if you break my heart a thousand times over, I won't ever stop loving you." M'riel meant those words, even if she did shut him out by mistake. He'd never leave her side, no matter what she did to him. He also knew that as long as he showed her his devotion and loyalty, that would ultimately translate into Josiath choosing Oreath again on her next Flight.
He gave Shayna a playful wink when she teased him about being a glutton for punishment. "Hey," he said. "It's me." M'riel didn't waste any more time, but instead squatted down and grabbed his lover by her legs, then stood up to carry her in his arms. He then turned and started to make his way back to their bed. If they had time, he certainly wasn't going to waste it.
Shayna raised a delicate brow. "Well, that is one thing you will have to get used to. I do say sorry at times," she smiled. And she had felt bad for bringing up his weyrmate and child. She shrugged a bit. "I've seen worse at Gathers," she grinned. It was really up to him what he wore. Not everyone enjoyed dressing up. "That's because I've kept it wrapped up and bring it out on special occasions," she said. "It's a midnight blue," she answered. "With black trimming." She loved the dress and hoped she could still fit into it after having Sanyara. She grinned a bit when he didn't have an immediate reply. Good, she had stumped him.
She slowly nodded. "I won't forget." She wasn't one to be forgetful. And she was pretty sure that he would only remind her again anyhow. Even if she didn't forget. She just hoped that he turned out to be a good Weyrleader. She knew there were a few people that he had angered and she was going to have to try to smooth those problems out. As soon as she could get around more.
She squealed in surprise as he picked her up, but then started to laugh. It was obvious to her that he wasn't going to waste any of their time together. Well, that was fine. She was quite content with it at the moment. She had spoken her piece after all and he had listened to her. Now there wasn't much else she could do at the moment.
Shayna kissed Venteran and Sanyara on the cheek before giving R'bao a quick kiss. "Thank you," she whispered to the blue rider. She knew that Venteran would be thrilled to spend some time with his father and R'bao hadn't really gotten a chance to spend time with Sanyara yet either.
Once she was sure they were safely out the door she spun on M'riel, not caring that she was tired of being up on her feet. She still couldn't believe that he had just left her hanging like that. "You couldn't even give me a little help there?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. Her high runnertail swung behind her. "I haven't had a chance to talk to Venteran because I haven't been able to move much. And before with L'ret things were different then this time."
She sighed and started to pace. Things were really messed up at the moment. Her face was a bit pale as she paced, but she didn't care. She was upset and worried and knew that Venteran still wasn't really understanding what was going on. She felt awful but she knew he would never understand it all at his age. And then to just walk in and see M'riel there where his father usually was. She sighed. What a mess. One that she was sure she still wasn't out of.
M'riel was still seated at Shayna's desk, simply choosing to tune out the conversation between R'bao, Shayna, and Venteran. It wasn't any of his business in the first place, but he still wasn't too happy with the fact neither Rider had explained to the young boy about the new changes, why his mommy and daddy were no longer together.
He finally glanced up at Shayna and removed his reading glasses, and set them on the desk when she accused him of not lifting a single finger. She started to pace back and forth, seemingly unsure of what to do. "You could have just as easily had R'bao explain to Venteran about the changes, Shay," he calmly stated. "As far as I'm concerned, neither of you took the time to tell him why his mother and stepfather were no longer together. Yes, I know Venteran thinks R'bao is his father, but I'll also leave that part up to the both of you to tell him otherwise, when he's old enough to understand. You and R'bao made a mess of it, it was your responsibility to clean it up. I only brought him up here to help you take care of it."
"And I don't know the whole story behind you and L'ret, Shay. I heard rumors it was his Bronze that won Josiath's Flight the last time, but he respected you enough to leave you and R'bao alone. That was before Authanth went Between. Now Josiath is the Senior Queen, which means you're the Weyrwoman. Josiath chose Oreath, which makes me the Weyrleader. If you're going to question your Gold, Shay, she'll probably remind you that she chose Oreath because she knew what you needed. She knew you needed someone who can help you lead this Weyr forward, someone who's been a proven leader. She probably knew you well enough that same person was capable of loving you, Shay, for who you were. And it's not just because you're the Weyrwoman now. It's because you needed to be loved, to be touched. You needed someone who could understand your fears and see you through them. I shouldn't have to cite any of the long-standing traditions involving our positions."
M'riel pushed the chair back from the desk and rose to his feet. "You know your Gold better than I do, Shay. Yes, R'bao's a good man and a good Flight Leader. I won't take those qualities away from him. But something tells me he's never been a leader before. A leader inspires people, Shay. A leader leads by example, he leads from the front. A leader grieves with those who have lost comrades-in-arms and family members, and does his best to console those same people. A leader is someone whom isn't afraid to take charge of a situation, to stand up against forces arrayed against him."
"I was a Sergeant Major in the Guards, Shay. I never asked to be promoted to such high rank. The Lord Holder at High Reaches and my brother both made that determination. They saw in me that I was capable of being a leader, that I fit every aspect of what a leader should be. Oreath, when I Impressed to him, saw that in me. My old Weyrleader saw that in me, and promoted me to Wingthird after I graduated from Weyrling training. Those who came with me, Shay, look to me for guidance and direction. Now everyone in this Weyr is looking to me for guidance, even though most of them still don't trust me. I can live with that. I can live with R'bao being unsteady whenever he's around me. What I can't live without, however, is you."
M'riel walked over to where Shayna was, and halted her pacing by turning her to face him. He spoke softly, calmly. "I'm here to help you fight your battles, Shay, but I can't help you fight them if I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I couldn't help you with Venteran because neither you nor R'bao told him what was going on. I'll have to trust the both of you to tell him the truth when he's older, that R'bao isn't his natural father. Sanyara, on the other hand, when she's a little older will probably think I'm her father and not R'bao. When she's old enough to know the difference, Shay, one of us will have to tell her the truth. That doesn't mean I won't love your daughter any less, nor will I love your son any less. It also means my love for you won't change, either."
"I've asked you before to let me in, Shay. I've asked you to not be afraid to fall in love with me, nor be afraid to show me that you love me. I made a commitment to you, Shay, that I will always be yours. No matter how many times you break my heart."
Shayna growled angrily. She still wasn't happy both with M'riel and at herself for not talking to Venteran. Of course she had never thought that she would ever be Weyrwoman. She still wasn't sure she was totally ready for it, but she didn't have much of a choice. And now she probably just broke her son's heart. She knew he didn't understand half of what they tried to tell him. Hopefully spending some time with R'bao would calm him down and R'bao would be able to explain a bit more. "There was no reason to tell him anything yet. He's only 4 and I wasn't Werywoman. Taenia was until just recently. Then I got sick with my pregnancy and R'bao never left my side," she sighed. So much had happened. So many excuses she could use.
She listened to everything that M'riel said while still pacing. She wasn't ready to stop pacing even though she was feeling a bit sick. If she sat then she just might cry and she really didn't want to do that. "L'ret was young and he was happy to have his own weyr," she answered. "They knew how I felt about R'bao and no one questioned it since I wasn't Werywoman." She sighed softly. That's when everything had changed. When she had actually become Weyrwoman. Now it was only right that M'riel as Weyrleader shared her weyr. And she had to admit, that didn't bother her. Her and R'bao were sorting things out. She was more upset that Venteran was now having to pay the price for her stupidity. Although she wasn't about to tell M'riel that.
Shayna jumped and quickly looked up as he stopped her pacing, her silvery eyes a bit wide, but her face still showing her anger. "Sanyara will know who her father is as will Venteran once he's old enough to be told what happened. For now though he's only a boy and he's happy with R'bao. There's no reason to upset him more. And R'bao will always be in my life. As long as Sanyara is here. And there's always going to be a place in my heart that belongs to him," she warned M'riel. She couldn't change that. She sighed in frustration. "I never doubted your love," she said, looking away from him. "This all just happened so fast and I haven't gotten used to it yet."
She slowly lifted her face to look into his eyes. "I don't want to break your heart. I told you I loved you and I always will. I just want you to know that R'bao is always going to be there. Even if it's only in the background. We are always going to be friends." Tears slid down her cheeks which upset her more. "I want someone to lean on. Someone to love," she whispered.
"Things are different now, Shay," M'riel replied, his voice still calm. "Yes, there wasn't any reason to tell Venteran anything before Josiath rose. But correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that you mentioned you would take me to see your son shortly after I got here. And I'm thankful R'bao stayed by your side after you became sick with your pregnancy. I would have done the same thing if I had been in the same situation. A good man will do that."
He listened as Shayna gave a brief explanation about L'ret, about how no one questioned her feelings about R'bao before she became the Weyrwoman, about her two children, about R'bao himself. "I trust you, Shay, about telling your two children the truth about whom their fathers truly are. I won't push you about that subject for a while. And like I said, I can live with R'bao being unsteady whenever he's around me. He knows he can no longer be with you like he was before Josiath rose. I'm also sure part of him wished Serguth was a Brown or even a Bronze, so he could have participated in the Flight. But you and I both know that Blues could never last in a Goldflight. They don't have the strength nor the stamina to go the distance."
He let out a sigh when she looked away from him, admitting that she never doubted his love, that she hadn't gotten used to the fact that her entire life had been turned upside-down, then looked back into his eyes. M'riel finally spoke, but softly. "I know there will always be a place in your heart for R'bao, Shay. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. He's Sanyara's father. The love the two of you had for each other will always be there. I won't take that away from you." He reached up a hand to brush away the tears streaming down her cheeks. "You could break my heart a thousand times over, Shayna, but I won't stop loving you. I won't stop being there for you. I know R'bao will always be there, that he will always be your friend. He probably expects me to treat you with the love and attention you deserve. Not just because you're the Weyrwoman, Shay. It's because you need that in your life, now that he can no longer give that to you." He drew her close to him, placing her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist. "You can always lean on me, Shay. Let me be that someone you can love. You told me the other night that you wanted to belong to me, and that came from your heart. And I will gladly take you, Shayna, as my lover and soulmate. As my companion." His eyes started to search hers. "Don't be afraid to love me," he repeated the same words from before. "Don't be afraid to take me as your lover, your soulmate, your companion. I won't leave your side, Shay. Not until it's my time to go."
Shayna worried her bottom lip before nodding. "I did. I wanted you to meet him just in case, well something like this happened," she said softly. Then things had taken a turn for the worst and she had never gotten a chance to introduce the two of them. "I hadn't wanted you to be a total stranger to him." She nodded. "He did. And I thankful to have him there. I was so scared." She smiled slightly, having no doubt that M'riel would have done the same thing.
"Thank you. Venteran won't understand at the moment and Sanyara is too little yet to really realize anything." Although she would make sure both of her children knew whom their parents were. She slowly nodded. They had both known that Serguth would never be able to fly Josiath. "There many times when we both wished that. Although I do love Serguth. He fits R'bao well." She scrubbed at her face. "Things have certainly changed and it will take me some time to get used to that as I'm sure it will R'bao as well."
Shayna didn't argue as he wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face for a minute and tried not to cry anymore. "I'm so torn," she nearly whimpered. "And emotional on top of everything. I can't handle all this at once," she cried. This would have been drastic changes without having to deal with the emotions of a new mother on top of it. She sniffled and clung to M'riel. "I do want you in my life. I honestly do. Everything I said the night of my nightmare was true." She was falling for M'riel and wanted him in her life. She just didn't want to hurt R'bao too. He would always, always be special to her. "So you won't mind if I still see R'bao?" she asked softly, lifting her head so she could look into his eyes before slowly nodding. "I am trying to let you in. You just may have to help me and remind me at times," she whispered.
"It's natural to be scared, Shay, when you're going through a pregnancy that's taken an unexpected turn. Shards, Noemi went through the same right before she had Riemi." M'riel replied. "But they both pulled through just fine. As for Venteran, well..." He shrugged. "Turn's End isn't too far off. I could probably get him a little something, but don't count on me being there the whole time. Never did care much for feasts or anything festive." It was true to an extent. M'riel wasn't one for dressing up or for participating in feasts, but he knew Shayna could easily ask him to be there. It was her right as Weyrwoman to ask him, the Weyrleader, to attend, and he knew he couldn't say no on two counts. One was due to the long-standing traditions by their rank; as Weyrwoman, Shayna could always request of him to attend any given feast or festival, and as Weyrleader it was tradition that he attend if asked. The other reason was out of his love and respect for his weyrmate, he would escort her to Turn's End or any gathering...but he wouldn't be too far from her side.
Shayna then went on to thank him for not pushing her to tell her two children about their true parentage, but they both knew she would have to do so when it was time. She continued, reminiscing that there had been times both she and R'bao wished Serguth was a Brown or Bronze, but she still loved the Blue nonetheless, and how he fit R'bao. M'riel didn't say anything, but could only nod. There was no point in bringing up what Oreath had boasted at the beginning of Josiath's flight, that he could easily take Serguth regardless. The Weyrleader knew that was true to a point, since his dragon was easily the largest, if not the most intelligent, Bronze in the entire Weyr. Granted, Serguth had the speed and agility Oreath lacked, but the Bronze was far stronger and more insightful.
M'riel held Shayna close to him as she buried his face in his shoulder for a moment, admitting her conflicting emotions was getting the better of her, how she couldn't handle everything being thrown at her at once. Josaith rising and choosing Oreath as her mate; the Flight that took place involving the new Weyrleader, the new Weyrwoman, a Junior Goldrider and her weyrmate; Shayna going into premature labor...there had been so much she had been through. Yet M'riel was determined to be that rock in her life, her shelter she would need. She wanted him in her life, everything she had said that night when the two of them made love was true. "I don't mind if you see R'bao every now and then, Shay. I trust you enough to be around him if I'm not there. I just ask one thing of you, as your lover, your weyrmate, and as Weyrleader. Remember that we belong to each other, Shay, and we always honor our commitment and devotion to each other. I know you're trying to let me in, and I'll help you with that. But I can't help you if you don't let me."
Shayna looked up at him in surprise. "Noemi went through that too?" she asked softly. It had scared her so badly and she had worried that she would lose Sanyara which only made her worry more when she was supposed to be relaxing. At least her daughter was safe now. And so perfect in her eyes. She looked up at him, a soft smile slowly touching her lips. "I think he would like that. Venteran is normally a happy, social child. Once he knows you he'll be fine," she promised. She he would be. She chuckled softly. "I don't mind them. It gives me a chance to really dress up," she smiled, thinking about one certain dress that she would like to wear. "But I won't make you stay the whole time. I know they're not for everyone." V'ter had always liked them as had T'an.
At least Shayna would have a couple Turns before Venteran started asking too many questions. And Sanyara was only a newborn, so she was safe there. She looked up at M'riel, knowing that it was hard for him when she talked about R'bao. But he did deserve to know where she stood. R'bao would always hold a piece of her heart even if Serguth could never catch Josiath. And she really didn't mind the idea of M'riel being Weyrleader. He seemed solid and one that she could rely on.
Shayna closed her eyes and just rested her head against his chest. So many things had happened all at once. It wasn't easy and she was trying hard to keep everything together. And then the weather was getting worse and the Holders hated them. So many problems and so few answers to them. Shayna wasn't sure what she was going to do about all that. She would have to talk to M'riel and Mac about that later. Mac had been working through a lot of those problems already. "Thank you for being so understanding," she said softly. At least M'riel wasn't going to argue about her seeing R'bao. Of course she would have seen him anyhow, but at least this way she didn't have to worry about getting in arguments over it. She raised silvery eyes to see him better, her face flushed from crying. "I'll remember that," she promised, kissing his cheek. "I promise once I'm past these stupid hormones I'll be better. I want to let you in. I know you'll always be there for me."
M'riel nodded slowly when Shayna appeared to be a little surprised to hear Noemi went through a similar situation with Riemi. "Long story," he said quietly. He really didn't want to dwell on it, since the pain of losing his weyrmate and daughter was still there. He doubted it would ever go away, even though he now had Shayna in his life. Hopefully, he would be a father again soon. He missed holding his little girl in his arms, hearing her laughter. Still, it was somewhat reassuring to hear his weyrmate tell him her thoughts about how Venteran would probably appreciate the gesture, once he got to know the Weyrleader personally the boy's demeanor towards him would change for the better. Shayna then went on to say how she didn't mind gatherings, how she seemingly adored dressing up for them...but at least she wouldn't make him stay the whole time. M'riel let out a thankful sigh. "I know you wouldn't make me stay the whole time, Shay. But I also know all too well the custom between our status. If you ask me to come, I'll come, and only leave when you're ready." He shook his head. "I guess it wouldn't do much good for the new Weyrleader not to stick around during an entire gathering or festival. I'd better take a look through my current wardrobe, see if I have anything appropriate."
He held her close to him, lightly resting his chin on top of her head as she rested against his chest. Shards, but he just wanted to hold her like this for the moment. She thanked him for being understanding of her wishes to see R'bao every now and then; granted, M'riel didn't terribly mind, but he'd hold fast to the bond he now shared with Shayna. She lifted her gaze to meet his, promising to remember that bond they now shared as Weyrwoman and Weyrleader, that once she was over her hormones she would be better, and that she wanted to let him in. "Just don't shut me out, Shay," M'riel replied softly. "In fact...if you want to work on that a little bit..." He indicated with a slight jerk of his head over his shoulder, towards their bed. "But it's up to you."
The Werywoman's face paled a bit. "Sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have asked." She hadn't thought about how that topic would effect him. She was just now getting to where she could talk about V'ter without tearing up. It had to be worse for M'riel right now. And she would have to talk with Venteran more. Hopefully get him to spend a bit more time with M'riel and get to know him. She giggled softly. "Oh, I'm sure we can find you something. Even if it's just your flight gear that will be fine," she assured him. "Although I have a certain velvet dress that I'm thinking of wearing," she smiled. Hey, she was female. It was nice to dress up from time to time. Not that she would want to do it all the time, but by time the Gather came around she would be ready for it. "I'll try to make it as painless as possible," she giggled.
She glanced up at him as he rested his chin against her head. She snuggled against his chest, loving listening to his heart beat against her cheek. She had been so upset with him earlier, but somehow he had calmed her down in a matter of moments. She sighed softly. That certainly wasn't a bad thing. And she really had been angry for no reason. Things would sort themselves out after all and Venteran wouldn't always be upset. She had talked to R'bao too, so that had helped settle her fears a bit. "I don't want to shut you out. I'll try hard not to," she promised. She knew she might by accident, but she would try. Shayna looked up, her eyes shining as she realized what he was meaning. "You're a glutton for punishment, Weyleader," she teased. Although she didn't mind at all. They actually had a little bit of time then she'd see if she could help him finish up the hides before R'bao brought Sanyara back to be nursed.
M'riel shook his head when Shayna said the one word he had a rule against. "Never say you're sorry, Shay. But it's alright, I'm sure sooner or later I'll be able to talk more about Noemi." He looked down into her eyes, then his facial expression went from slightly dour to one wearing a smirk. "My flight gear at a gathering? No, I'll have to find something more suitable. Something to match your velvet dress. Although I admit I've never seen you in one. What color?" It probably wouldn't hurt him to find something that complemented Shayna's dress, but he couldn't figure out what to have made for him until he saw her dress first. He smirked again when she teased him about making his experience as painless as possible, but couldn't come up with a snappy reply.
"I'll remind you, Shay. Just remember what I said before. Even if you break my heart a thousand times over, I won't ever stop loving you." M'riel meant those words, even if she did shut him out by mistake. He'd never leave her side, no matter what she did to him. He also knew that as long as he showed her his devotion and loyalty, that would ultimately translate into Josiath choosing Oreath again on her next Flight.
He gave Shayna a playful wink when she teased him about being a glutton for punishment. "Hey," he said. "It's me." M'riel didn't waste any more time, but instead squatted down and grabbed his lover by her legs, then stood up to carry her in his arms. He then turned and started to make his way back to their bed. If they had time, he certainly wasn't going to waste it.
Shayna raised a delicate brow. "Well, that is one thing you will have to get used to. I do say sorry at times," she smiled. And she had felt bad for bringing up his weyrmate and child. She shrugged a bit. "I've seen worse at Gathers," she grinned. It was really up to him what he wore. Not everyone enjoyed dressing up. "That's because I've kept it wrapped up and bring it out on special occasions," she said. "It's a midnight blue," she answered. "With black trimming." She loved the dress and hoped she could still fit into it after having Sanyara. She grinned a bit when he didn't have an immediate reply. Good, she had stumped him.
She slowly nodded. "I won't forget." She wasn't one to be forgetful. And she was pretty sure that he would only remind her again anyhow. Even if she didn't forget. She just hoped that he turned out to be a good Weyrleader. She knew there were a few people that he had angered and she was going to have to try to smooth those problems out. As soon as she could get around more.
She squealed in surprise as he picked her up, but then started to laugh. It was obvious to her that he wasn't going to waste any of their time together. Well, that was fine. She was quite content with it at the moment. She had spoken her piece after all and he had listened to her. Now there wasn't much else she could do at the moment.
