[18.12] Nightmares(M'riel/Shay)

[sorra]

The rain grew heavy as thunder rumbled in the sky. It was hard to see your hand in front of your face, but it didn't stop Shayna from running out of her weyr. Stupid man. What was he thinking going out in this? The dragons wouldn't be able to see in this. Josiath had already told her that. Hence why her gold was curled up on her ledge, not at all happy with her mate for leaving her in the chilly weather. Josiath snorted and buried her nose under her wing.

Shayna was fuming as she looked around for her mate. She was going to wring his neck when she found him. The gold rider started to shiver as the rain soaked through her clothing. She soon managed to spot a dark shape looming in front of her. She took off at a dead run as the shape started to turn into a dragon and her mate. She growled angrily as she saw him putting his straps on the dragon. "Stop!" she shouted.

He merely threw up a hand as he vaulted to his dragon's back. The bronze took to the air with a mighty leap, but then suddenly started to change into a blue and then back into a bronze right in front of Shayna's eyes. "No!" she screamed as the dragon blinked between followed by a keening sound from her gold.

~~
Shayna woke with a start, sweat covering her face and her chest heaving. She bolted out of bed and ran to the ledge, collapsing as she still wasn't real strong after giving birth. Tears slid down her cheeks as she cried out to the cold night air, her nightmare still having a grip on her. She hadn't realized that there was still a bronze dragon curled up with Josiath or that she had just left the Weyrleader in bed by himself. She was too shaken up to notice anything but the agony she had been feeling.

[kendrall]

M'riel's eyes snapped open as soon as he realized two things were wrong: the bed had suddenly grown cold, and he could hear someone crying. "Shay?" he called softly, unsure of what was going on. He pushed back the furs and slipped out of bed, silently cursing the winter cold. He was dressed in a warm woolen shirt and trews, but his feet were now exposed to the frigid air. Shard it, he thought to himself. He wondered what had caused his weyrmate to leave the bed in a hurry, what was making her so upset. Oreath, too, wondered what was wrong with his mate's bonded, but didn't say anything. He knew his own Rider was more than capable of calming Josiath's.

"Shay?" the Weyrleader asked again, approaching the shaking Weyrwoman. "Shards and shells, love, come on back inside where it's warm." He tried to help her to her feet, to guide her back towards the glowing embers from last night's fire he had going. He'd have to remember to stir the embers, to put on some more wood. M'riel also figured some hot herbal tea would help calm Shayna as well. If nothing else, he would lift the Weyrwoman into his arms and carry her inside. Getting her calmed down and warmed up at the same time was now his priority.

[sorra]

Josiath lifted her head when she heard her rider. She snorted softly and looked toward her. She snuggled back against Oreath when she heard M'riel. The bronze rider would be able to take care of Shayna. Josiath would only speak up if need be. Right now she just sent calming thoughts to her rider.

Shayna continued to sit on the cold ledge, shaking and crying. She didn't hear M'riel calling to begin with as she was still gripped in her dream. She slowly lifted her tear streaked face when he came out on the ledge. She shook her head, not answering him. She didn't have the strength to get back up. Running out here into the winter cold had zapped her of the little bit of strength she had been gaining back. "So cold," she whispered. "So alone." She still hadn't realized that it was M'riel beside her, hence her dream was just that...a dream.

[kendrall]

M'riel frowned as he heard Shayna whisper something about being cold and alone. Apparently, she hadn't realized he was right there next to her. "Come on, Shay," he said, bending down and lifting the Weyrwoman into his arms. "Let's get you back inside and in front of the fire."

He carried her back into the relative warmth of the weyr they had been sharing, and M'riel carefully sat Shayna down onto the couch in front of the fireplace. He grabbed a blanket and covered her legs and feet, then took a long stick to stir the embers in the fireplace until he got a small flame to produce. Tossing a few small pieces of wood onto the pile, he waited until they caught flame, then he took a few more larger pieces and put them in until the fire was brightly glowing. M'riel then walked over to the door and ducked his head outside, where he knew one of the drudges would be passing through at any moment. "Get some hot herbal tea for the Weyrwoman, would you?" he asked politely. "And bring some klah for me." The drudge acknowledge the Weyrleader's request, and scurried off to the kitchen.

M'riel waited for a short while, wondering just where the shell that drudge was, when a soft knock could be heard at the doorway. He opened it, and the drudge entered the room, carrying a tray laden with two small brewing pots and two mugs. She set the tray down on the table nearest the doorway, and M'riel made sure to thank her and close the door behind her as she departed. He then took one of the brewing pots and filled one cup - hot herbal tea, just as he'd asked - then set it down and lifted the other and poured its contents into the other empty mug. Warm klah.

He carefully brought both mugs over, and set both of them down on top of a small table that was near the couch. M'riel eased himself next to Shayna, and pulled the blanket around them both. He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm here, Shay," he said softly, gently stroking her long hair. "I'm here. I won't leave you."

[sorra]

Shayna buried her face in M'riel's shoulder as he lifted her up. She still cried softly as she trembled. She was starting to calm down slightly, but it was easy to see that she still wasn't back to her normal self yet. Even the soft sounds of Sanyara stirring in her crib weren't enough to knock Shayna out of her thoughts and the fear that she had lost everyone that was close to her. First V'ter, then L'rai, and R'bao, followed by M'riel. It had just been too much for her in her weakened condition.

She barely reacted as M'riel put the blanket over her. She looked up at him, but her eyes were blank. She started to rock back and forth repeating the same warning that she had tried to give that rider in her dream. Don't go. Not in this weather. Something was wrong. But each time the rider still went and left her there alone. Always alone.

Shayna blinked a couple times as M'riel slid onto the couch beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She sniffled a bit as she slowly seemed to calm down and return to herself. "M'riel?" she whispered, looking up at him with pale blue eyes. The dim fire light shined in her eyes, lighting the tears that still hadn't fallen. "Please, don't leave me," she whimpered, feeling very vulnerable at the moment.

[kendrall]

M'riel tried to search Shayna's face, trying to get some idea of what she was trying to say. Don't go? Finally, she seemed to come to her senses a little, whispering his name softly as she looked at him, asking him not to leave her. "I won't leave, Shay," he said softly, lowering his arms and wrapping them around her waist, pulling her closer to him. "I won't leave." Something was telling the Weyrleader that his weyrmate had experienced a very vivid nightmare, but he couldn't quite confirm it. "Shay..." he said softly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to...but...did you have a nightmare? Was I in it, and I left you?"

He wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't further from the truth. "I won't leave you, love," he said softly. "We can stay here by the fire for the rest of the night if you want, cuddled together. Or if you want to crawl back under the furs, it doesn't matter. I'll stay here with you, Shay."

[sorra]

She buried her face in his shoulder again as she tried to calm herself down. The dream was still so vivid. And what scared her more was she had no idea what had caused the dragon to die. The weather had been as horrible as it was right now though and that scared her even more. What if she lost more people she cared for? She wasn't sure she could go through that again. Two lovers lost already? Maybe a third if R'bao never wanted to see her again. She couldn't handle all of it.

Shayna slowly looked up at M'riel and nodded. "It started with V'ter," she whispered, her voice cracking. She snuggled closer to him. "Then the dragon seemed to change to L'rai's, then R'bao',s and finally you. I told you not to go." She tried to keep her voice steady. "But you didn't listen. Dragon and rider disappeared into the blizzard followed by keening." Renewed tears slid down her cheeks. What was she going to do? Was she even making any sense? Did the dream mean anything? She sure hoped not.

[kendrall]

M'riel listened intently as Shayna tried to explain what had happened in her dream. V'ter, he guessed, was Venteran's father; L'rai was possibly another lover she had at one point in the past, well before he arrived at Izuko. R'bao had been with her up until recently; and now that Shayna was the Weyrwoman and Josiath had chosen Oreath as her mate, that put M'riel in the picture. But what was this about the dragon constantly shifting? She had begged in her dream not for the Rider to leave, but failed to prevent him from doing so. Both the Rider and dragon disappeared into a blizzard, and there was keening indicating both were lost.

It was all he could do to calm her fears. Two lovers lost to her; a third one she was no longer able to be with due to her position as Weyrwoman; a fourth one currently in her life whom was willing to fight for her, and if necessary, lay down his life for her. Was that why she was so worried? That he would make a crucial decision at some point in the future to sacrifice his own life for hers?

He leaned back against the arm of the couch. "Shay," he said softly. "Turn around." He would help her turn around, so she could lay her head against his chest if she chose to do so, only then would he wrap his arms around her again, so he could look into her eyes and gently wipe away her tears. "The only way I would ever leave you is if I had to make a decision where it costs me everything just so you, Venteran, Sanyara - and our children, if we ever have any together - can live. But as long as Josiath continues to choose Oreath as her mate, I'm staying right here next to you. I know how fond she is of him, and Oreath courts her every single day even though he knows he belongs to her. It's the same way with you, Shay. As long as you'll have me, I won't stop romancing you. I won't stop reminding you of how lovely you are, of how much you mean to me, of how much I truly love you. I won't stop fighting for us, Shay."

[sorra]

Shayna closed her eyes tightly and willed the tears to stop falling. She could never bring V'ter or L'rai back. Both were lost to her forever. R'bao she was afraid to even think about at the moment. It would only bring more pain and at the moment that would only send her into a bout of crying. Which wasn't doing her any good. Her scared flight to ledge had made her hurt all over again since she was still healing from Sanyara's birth. Eodira would not be happy if she learned what Shayna had done. Of course at the time Shayna hadn't realized what she was doing. All she knew was she had to get to the ledge and try to stop the rider from leaving. Somehow.

She didn't even want to think about what could happen to M'riel. He reminded her of V'ter in so many ways and she knew that her first love and father of Venteran would have laid down his life in a minute for her. Which in a way he had when he hadn't said anything to anyone about her going to the future to protect Josiath and helped the then struggling Tristar. She just hoped to Faranth that M'riel never ever did anything like that. She couldn't lose him too.

The Weyrwoman slowly looked up at his soft voice, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Okay," she whispered, carefully turning around. She gasped softly as a pain wave ripped through her, drawing her out of her dream more. Moving too much was certainly out of the question too. Tears slid down her cheeks. "I can't lose you too. V'ter died during the plague and L'rai, well I'm not sure what got him." No one ever really knew what had happened to the bronze rider. "I don't know if I've lost R'bao but I fear I may have." And she wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to talk to ever again. A slight smile touched her lips. "You remind me so much of V'ter," she whispered. "Different looks, but same ideas. Ziylith never let a day go by that he wasn't courting Jo and V'ter, well," she smiled at the memories. "I miss times like that. Even if it's just a gentle caress under the table to be reminded that I'm still special," she admitted.

[kendrall]

M'riel was, for the moment, simply content just to hold Shayna in his arms, wincing a little when she let out a pained gasp as she turned. Shards, but it hurt him to see her like this, with tears in her eyes. M'riel simply took a hand from where he'd been holding his weyrmate and gently wiped away the additional tears, then went back to holding her again in his arms. Shayna told him her fears; that she didn't want to lose him, confirming that her first two lovers had perished while her relationship with R'bao - her third lover - was uncertain. "Shay," he said softly. "R'bao is Sanyara's father. I told him when you went into labor the first time that he needed to be there for you and for his daughter. He still does, even if he can no longer have you. I trust him enough to be around the two of you; that was why I made sure I put him as one of the Flight Leaders."

"You know...when we came together during Josiath's Flight...I don't know, but somehow I could feel that he never touched you while you were pregnant with Sanyara, that he never made love to you during that time. I knew you were longing to be touched, to be loved...and I wanted to fulfill that desire of yours." He looked into her eyes. "I still do, Shay, and I will, no matter what." He had to let a soft throaty chuckle out when she told him how much he reminded her of her first love, how much she missed him, how she missed just being reminded she was special. "Wouldn't surprise me if he was a Guardsman like me, Shay. I may be a soldier first and foremost, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to love a woman, how to tell her in many different ways how much she means to me." Shards, but how he hated to see her with tears in her eyes. "I remember what it was like to be with Noemi, to tell her every day that I loved her, to remind her that she looked beautiful even when she thought differently. I admit that I miss her, Shay, and she'll always have a special place in my heart. You found a place in mine the day I first met you, and I'm not letting that go."

He lowered his lips to meet hers, to gently and softly kiss her.

[sorra]

Shayna settled against M'riel's chest. She hurt too much to move and didn't want to have to move. She felt safe in his arms and the fire was helping to lull her into a more comfortable position. She closed her eyes briefly as M'riel wiped a tear away. Something that V'ter had done countless times. Especially after the two of them had either argued or she'd disagreed with the Weyrwoman. She nodded a bit. "I don't want to lose R'bao totally," she whispered. "I know he loves Sanyara and I never doubted her loved me. Right now we're just a bit strained I guess. And the nightmare scared me," she whispered. She knew things could never be the same with her and R'bao, but he was still her best friend and father to her daughter.

Shayna bit her lip and looked down. Had it been that obvious? She slowly shook her head. "No, he didn't. We cuddled in bed and I never went without, but we never made love after we had learned I was pregnant. I had kept it hidden for a bit," she admitted. She hadn't wanted to worry anyone after all. She looked up at him with big eyes, making herself look a lot younger then she was. Closer to Hya's age. "You did," she promised. Shards, had he ever. She smiled a bit. She had no doubt that he would keep that promise. There was so many times when she just wanted to be touched, rather a simple hug or kiss. Just to be loved for a bit. "He was a Hold guard," she admitted softly. "Taught me everything I know about weapons." Her and V'ter had stayed up at night talking about their pasts and what they wanted for their futures. They had both wanted a family, but V'ter would never know Venteran. Shayna nodded a bit. "As I will always love V'ter even though it's been Turns." She wouldn't expect M'riel to forget about Noemi. It wouldn't be right. She gave a soft smile. "As you did with me."

Shayna lifted her head enough to meet his warm, familiar lips now. For the time being she felt very safe and didn't want M'riel going anywhere.

[kendrall]

"I don't think you'll lose him entirely, Shay," M'riel said about the Bluerider. "Even though things between you and him are strained. I expect they will be for a while, but I would think he'd eventually see me not as a threat nor as the man who stole his lover, but rather as a comrade-in-arms and fellow Rider." M'riel had never harbored any hatred towards R'bao, nor wished him any ill will. He just wanted the Bluerider to understand two things: One, Josiath had chosen Oreath, and would probably continue to do so for quite some time; Two, M'riel would never knowingly hurt Shayna. There was a third lesson R'bao would eventually have to learn, and M'riel was right on the money: Never be afraid to touch or make love to your werymate, especially if she was pregnant with your child. His suspicions about that little issue were confirmed when Shayna admitted that she and R'bao had cuddled, but he didn't make love to her when they found out she was pregnant.

"Shay, once you and I do have children together, you should never have to question if I'm willing to touch you while you're pregnant. Or if I'm willing to make love to you. The only way I won't do either is if you tell me not to." M'riel looked directly into her eyes when he said that to her. He meant every word of what he just said. He wouldn't force her if she told him she wasn't in the mood; he'd willingly settle to hold her if that turned out to be the case. Though he was taken back a little when she looked up into his eyes, and she seemed a little younger. Shards, was she such a reminder of Noemi.

He did find it interesting that he and V'ter had a lot in common...but he arched an eyebrow at her when she told him her first love taught her how to use weapons. "Which?" he asked. "Quarterstaff, bow, belt knife...?" He himself was proficient with most polearms and two-handed weapons such as the quarterstaff; he was a marksman with the longbow, and if pressed into close quarters he was just as dangerous. The problem was, he no longer had his shortsword, which was a common weapon used by most Guardsmen. That he had to turn in when he turned in his rank.

The last words he heard from her was that he had a place in her heart, and that was music to his ears. Losing himself in her kiss was something he had always looked forward to, but he didn't want to break away just yet. Finally, he broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. "This may sound like a silly question, Shay, but did you want to sleep here on the couch like this? Or head back into the bed? Or...?" M'riel didn't want to push Shayna too much, but since the two of them were up anyway... "Did you have something else in mind?" He had to give her a playful grin.

[sorra]

"I hope not. He's been my best friend for Turns now," she whispered. They had started that way and became lovers after L'rai. He would always play an important part in her life. Shayna nodded a bit. "I think he will. I've never seen him act irrationally. I think he's just a bit out of sorts since the flight. It really changed our lives," she said softly. So much had been changing lately. At least her and R'bao would always have Sanyara though. And for that she would make sure that they stayed friends if not more from time to time. She did love him after all.

"I don't think either of us knew what to do as this was our first child," she admitted. Okay, she had Venteran, but that was a totally odd situation. She hadn't even known she was pregnant until he was born and she hadn't been with anyone in all that time anyhow. "I had a couple bad spells of being sick and I think it scared him." At least she hoped. She couldn't see how he could have ever hurt her. And she had needed him badly at those times. She had just never told him as they were always both so busy. Shayna managed a weak smile. "I think I would like that a lot," she whispered. "And I thank you for giving me the option." She didn't want to be forced into anything. At least not when she was pregnant. Other times she would be willing to be woke up to "help" her lover.

Shayna chuckled softly. It was easy to see that she had surprised him. "Well, of course the belt knife since all riders carry one," she answered. "I also liked the bow a lot and I learned the quarterstaff. I was better with the bow though." She could defend herself with the staff if it came down to it, but the bow would always be her favorite. Not to mention the times they had spent learning it together had been some great memories. Although she hadn't had a chance to practice much recently with everything that kept happening.

Shayna stole one more quick kiss before he pulled away. Okay, so she was feeling a bit emotional among other things right now. Her eyes were shining a silvery color again in the fire light. "No, not really. Although I am quite comfortable," she whispered. She knew they would both hurt if they slept on the couch. Shayna smiled and kissed his chin. "Hmm, maybe a bit of a "cuddle"?" she hinted at. She was still sore and weak, but she was sure that M'riel knew how to be gentle. Especially since he had had a weyrmate and child. Besides, lately she hadn't been feeling real pretty as she was usually disheveled from taking care of Sanyara.

[kendrall]

M'riel sighed when Shayna sounded a little encouraged by his opinion on her not losing R'bao, that hopefully he would come around soon. "I think there's more than just him whom is 'out of sorts', Shay, because of the Flight. I mean, I still have recurring flashbacks from it." He looked down at Shayna. "Not to say that they're all bad, mind you. I did finally get to have you," he said playfully.

"As for both of you being unsure of what to do when you found out you were pregnant with Sanyara...well, that's normal. Noemi and I didn't know what to do when she found out she was carrying Riemi. Luckily for us, we had some help. My brother's wife was a Midwife, so she came over from the Hold to the Weyr. She stayed near Noemi throughout her entire pregnancy, even gave me some pointers on what to expect, how to respond, and so forth." M'riel fondly recalled his sister-in-law coming for an extended stay, and the Bronze rider at the time was both relieved and humbled.

Shayna thanked him for giving her the option to have him hold back from having his way with her, once she did conceive his child. Otherwise, he was welcome to the opportunity. He didn't say anything, but instead leaned down to give his weyrmate a quick kiss, then listened as she told him about which weapon she was the most familiar with. The longbow. M'riel gave Shayna a warm smile. "I became a marksman with the longbow myself. I was also a trained sniper, taking out foes from a distance while unseen. I also became very familiar with the quarterstaff, spear, and also had a short sword when I was still in the Guard. Had to turn in my sword, though, once I resigned my rank and became a Dragon Candidate." There was a trace of wistfulness in his voice. There were some days he missed being in the Guard, missed being the highest ranking noncommissioned officer at the Hold. But there was no way he would have ever came back into Pern's past; never would have met Shayna; never would have became Weyrleader. "Maybe one day I can find a Smith who can forge one for me." M'riel shrugged. "We'll see."

When Shayna suggested that although she was comfortable where she was, she gave a playful hint that they go 'cuddle', prompting the Weyrleader to smirk. "I thought we already were, Shay. But I think I have a better idea. Hold on tight." Slowly but surely, M'riel shifted his hips until his feet touched the floor, ensuring Shayna had her arms around his neck. "When I stand up, Shay, wrap your legs around my waist. On three. One...two...three."

M'riel slowly stood to his feet, making sure his lover was holding onto him, and the blanket fell to the floor. "Hopefully Sanyara will be asleep for a while," he whispered. "If not, for at least a few candlemarks." He didn't allow Shayna to answer, as he quickly planted his lips on hers, giving her a long, deep kiss. He continued his kisses as he carried her over to their private bathing chamber.

((Last post for Sorra, then will shift to mature thread via email))

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[sorra]

Shayna chewed on her bottom lip. M'riel certainly didn't seem pleased that she was happy about R'bao. Of course she couldn't blame him. Shards, this was too confusing for right now. It was hard to think straight. She looked up at him in surprise. "You do?" she asked softly. She didn't remember much. She remembered M'riel being there and K'ryn and Arda. Then when she had the next coherent thought was when her water broke. She blushed a bit and snuggled against his chest. "Then that's a good thing," she whispered with a smile.

"Oh I bet that was a real life saver," she said, thinking how she would have loved to have had that option. She didn't even have her mother who she would have loved to have next to her. "I wish we would have had that. I mean, I saw Eodira regularly, but it wasn't the same." Although she couldn't complain. Sanyara was here and healthy and that's what mattered. Although if she could change things she would and tell R'bao that it was alright to be intimate. Well, too late now. She knew for the future though.

She leaned into his quick kiss. She could certainly get used to that. Shayna looked up at him. "It sounds like you've learned everything to do with weapons. V'ter was still teaching me before I came to the future. Maybe once I'm back on my feet you could show me some more?" she asked hopefully. She would love to get back to weapons training again. It had always helped her keep fit and also let her learn a skill that she hoped she never had to use, but one never knew. Plus, she missed being able to use the bow. It had always helped her with her frustrations. She nodded. "I'm sure we can find someone here who could make you another short sword." She knew they had a couple smiths around.

Shayna giggled. "Well, yes, I guess we are." She grinned when he seemed to catch her drift though. "And just what would that be?" she asked, but didn't receive an answer as he told her to hold on. The Weyrwoman didn't argue and wrapped her legs around him when he stood up. She felt like a little child again, but she had to admit, she liked this. She rested her head against his chest..

She chuckled a bit. "Sanyara should be asleep for a bit yet. I fed her just before we went to bed." She knew they hadn't been asleep long before her nightmare. She didn't get to say anymore as his mouth slanted over hers. She moaned softly and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had no idea what he was planning, but she was pretty certain she would like it. She was already liking it.

(END!)